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Monday, December 03, 2007

Mix Santa - banta jokes

1.Titanic was sinking. An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"? Santa: 2 KMs. Englishman jumped into sea. Englishman: Now, which direction? Santa: Downwards!

2.How did santa tried to kill a bird?? He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

3.Santa: I have swallowed a key. Doctor: When? Santa: 3 months back! Doctor: What were you doing till now? Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

GR8 SAYINGS !

Outside a Toilet:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY, PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

Spotted in a safari park-I sure hope soELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Ten things God won't ask: -

1...God won't ask what kind of car you drove;
He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.
2...God won't ask the square footage of your house,
He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.
3...God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet,
He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.
4...God won't ask what your highest salary was,
He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.
5...God won't ask what your job title was,
He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.
6...God won't ask how many friends you had,
He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.
7... God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived,
He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.
8...God won't ask about the color of your skin,
He'll ask about the content of your character.
9... God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation,
He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.
10...God won't ask how many people you forwarded this to,
He'll ask if you were ashamed to pass it on to your friends.

Read Carefully
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

Pyramid Of Life

Use this In Your Life
Talk-----------Softly
Walk------------Humbly
Eat----------------Sensibly
Breathe----------------Deeply
Sleep------------------Sufficiently
Dress------------------------Smartly
Act----------------------------Fearlessly
Work------------------------------Patiently
Think--------------------------------Truthfully
Believe---------------------------------Correctly
Behave-------------------------------------Decently
Learn-----------------------------------------Practically
Plan------------------------------------------------Orderly
Earn--------------------------------------------------Honestly
Save-----------------------------------------------------Regularly
Spend-----------------------------------------------------Intelligently
Love--------------------------------------------------------PassionaTLY..